Say Hi

This is Bob, a long time sufferer of melancholyosis. Bob stays home on Monday nights while his friends from work go out for happy hour appetizers. He stares aimlessly at his microwaved quesadilla.

But here’s the thing, Bob. There’s hope for you and the billions of others like you, searching for a life that goes beyond choosing which two 9pm programs you’d like the DVR to record.

To prove it, we replaced Bob’s iPod with an advance copy of Say Hi’s Endless Wonder and asked him to hit play. We were right in assuming that Bob had only ever seen monochromatic mustaches and skinny jeans come out of his hi-fi stereo speakers and thus, as expected, Bob was stunned. Rainbows and medium-rare steaks, non-GMO unicorn milk and glowing constellations reached out from the speakers in warm embrace.

All the neighborhood birds gathered at his window to see what these sweet, butt-wiggling sounds were all about. And boy, Bob couldn’t believe his eyes.

There’s a knock at the door. It’s Jane. Sweet, sweet Jane from down the hall in 8a. “What’s this record?,” Jane says. Bob knew that Jane hadn’t ever known his name until now. But the tunes were THAT good. “It’s Say Hi,” Bob replied. He looked down to see his love handles deftly spinning a sparking hula hoop. Again, THAT GOOD. “Oh! They used to be called Say Hi To Your Mom?,” Jane asks. “Yep, same band, but it’s actually just one guy who makes his records at home.”

Bob and Jane are married now with a super life, a cat named Thurston and a dog named Mascis. They go out frequently for dim sum with their interesting friends.

[A handsome guy in a lab coat turns to the camera]

“Hi, I’m Dr. Eric Elbogen.” (actor portrayal, not actually a doctor). “I created Endless Wonder for one reason: to make the world a less weary place.” Since founding Say Hi labs in 2002, Elbogen and his team of slightly flawed and persistently-flat clones have been proving to humanity that synthesizer music doesn’t have to lack a sense of humor and that drum machines can still swing and shuffle like the jazz great ones. But it wasn’t until the team began working on Endless Wonder in late 2011, when all rock and roll bands were required to trade in their Warlock guitars for step sequencers and self-oscillating sweepable low pass filters, that they knew they were on the brink of something crucial: the probable savior of humankind itself.

As clinical trials have shown, modern synthesizer music’s predictable, repetitive dings and dongs can leave the listener bored and lonely. But Endless Wonder’s plethora of Moogs, Korgs, Rolands, Xoxbox-es, Novations, Oberheims, Vermonas, MFBs, Virus TIs, Yamahas, OP-1s, DSIs, Solinas, Mellotrons and the very occasional Fenders and Gibsons (shh, don’t tell the Feds) really, truly have been proven to cure all.

Say Hi isn’t for everyone. Those with chronic back pain shouldn’t listen to Say Hi, as they may find it difficult to avoid boogie-woogie-ing until the cows come home. Similarly, those with obnoxious Yelp accounts and haters in general should avoid Say Hi, lest another human being might actually glimpse you having a good time.

Check with your record store clerk to make sure that Say Hi is for you and whether you’d benefit from listening to Vinyl or Flac formats.

[A montage of Bob and Jane effortlessly windsurfing]

This is Bob, a former sufferer of melancholyosis. He never thought to try listening to Say Hi. But as it turns out, that simple task was what he’d been searching for all along.

Say Hi is Eric Elbogen. He lives in Seattle, WA and has been making records since 2002. His latest, Endless Wonder, is a record about the presence and absence of love, in every flavor imaginable. It will be out on June 17th via Barsuk Records, following an extensive North American tour.